I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
