Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
