You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
