i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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