I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
