Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
