I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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