People in love make me want to vomit
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
