So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
