the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
