About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
