that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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