you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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