imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
