I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My hand turned me down
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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