Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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