Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
