Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My penis needs a shock collar
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
