i just wanna soil my oats bro
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
