I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
