Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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