this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
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