There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
