I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
