Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
