Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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