he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
