I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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