I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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