If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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