What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
