i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
