Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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