Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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