note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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