I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
