Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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