My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
