i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
