Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
