I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
