There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
