Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
