I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
