Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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