I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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