You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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