and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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