So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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