The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
