her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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