ya dads aren't the best wingmen
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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